musings...

i understand the need to herd shadows,
well-tended marks on the mind at dusk;
ordering them from left to right
is easier than sitting still for tomorrow.

interpretation is less painful than definition…
it can be done after shock subsides
and truth wanes…
when the sun softens
and night prods shadows forward,
undefined and profuse….

immediacy slips away
as distance nears.
smoke rings circle vagueness
and in candlelight uneasiness fits.

who can find certainty here?
there is nothing to see but slivers of light
and a host of memory…

not once have i looked for god
and found peace…
not once have i looked for love
and found salvation.

never in my life have i found
the right way to love…or give…
without massive hurt,
retribution or denial…

truth is a myth like god…
love is an abstract too shaded to paint…
my masterpiece, then, is voided…
no room, left, here—

for hope—no exit from myself
and no assurity that here on the ledge—
when you jump…
you may fall…

musings...soliloquies
ja allen