evolution

i had a voice—it wished to speak,
to be acknowledged; unfortunately
it is broken now…
but you should be able to understand,
if only half of my words are concrete,
you only half-listen, anyway,
and then, hear what you wish…

it wasn’t always this way;
once you listened full-time; but, then
i had nothing to say;
you grew impatient when i faltered,
when i contradicted myself…
so i made a point of rushing through
trivia into silence…

now you grow impatient with my quiet;
but you cannot blame me;
i protect you from my mind, from words
only formed in stillness,
the stiletto of my fingers moving
quickly through the air…

i know i should offer you another reading…
but i am unable to explain what is
too far inside for you to hear…
i do not expect you anymore…
now you must learn to live with doubt, anxiety…
the need to know what is
beyond your comprehension….

evolution...soliloquies
ja allen