rejection...

i hide here,
afraid to love,
and be seen…
intentions bent and
maligned by tongues of this shrew vision…
no clues
to the person behind the fine words…
love you?
love you, no!
letters lined on the paper
read like obscenity…
give you that much?
better to rest in indifference,
bested by a rude hate,
a staggering, self-defeating sterile wall…
yet, not loving you is
is the hardest task i have under taken
in my Aegean arena…
it is like breasting death,
like breathing with an iron lung
through bitter teeth…
you push at me even in my dreams,
my head stuffed into my vacuum soul…
push away in dread,
my bed…i lie in it and stare at this
unearthly emptiness,
a scar in my memory…
pretty boy,
soft as your words,
worn by your understanding,
adrift forever denied…

rejection...soliloquies
ja allen