you ate my heart from the inside out
until there was nothing left
but a shell, a vessel filled with emptiness;
once it was overflowing with love for you...
spilling over with unrestrained excess;
but the depth of my longing was not enough for you
to return my love because you
observed flaws and shortcomings
in my clover-leafed adoration...
you bore into the suspect center
letting distrust eat the sensuous fiber away
until nothing remained but
tenuous tenderness and hesitant warmth...
the end of desire breeds desperation ––
the astonished turn of love
into subserviency and clinical conversation
about weather and duties...
fearing free flowing repartee that allowed
my timid soul to soar with passion’s promise;
for you gave me so much hope that love
would turn to me at last and grant me
satisfaction and fulfillment in the arms of the one
i had always sought...
it grew crystal clear, however, that it could never be you;
because you would never play the fool
for anyone as naive as me
–– as uninitiated as me...
as unworldly as me –– because i did not recognize
the impediment of my innocence...
one so sheltered could never ignite a fire in you...
could never bring you to accustomed heights.
shy, timid souls must learn to shiver alone,
sheltered beneath the stares of sharks
circling in the murky waters of consensus...
hiding now beneath the surface i watch you circle,
waiting for me to surface so you might
continue your practiced postures wondering
if your perceptions were right again...
as they have always been...for in your world there
are no second chances...
in my world there is no hope for one
who has never learned how to replenish an empty heart....
ja allen
prism gates
